But Wait! There's More!
I made a brief foray into this very world this afternoon and witnessed an enthusiastic demonstration of a new magical substance that can be applied to your car in order to ensure its safety.
Two guys are standing in a suitably deserted locale and are, unsurpisingly, having a fascinating and completely one-sided conversation regarding this amazing product. After rubbing it on your precious vehicle, it is supposed to protect the shiny paintwork from the harshest of conditions and the most extravagant of attacks from key-wielding ex-girlfriends.
At this point, one gentleman expresses disbelief in the other's statements. Oh ye of little faith! With the car (which happens to be the same model as mine) conveniently parked in the background, it seems only obvious that a demonstration is in order. At the snap of a finger, several men equipped with acetelyne blowtorches materialize and apply their tools to the side of the car. I'm not certain how things would play out with any other kind of blowtorch, but the fact that "Acetelyne Blowtorch" flashed prominently on the screen must be of some importance.
Regardless, the black scorching of the super-heated flames is easily wiped away by a mere cloth, revealing a still shiny layer of paint underneath. Truly miraculous! Being regularly attacked on the roads by lunatics with blowtorches, I was obviously intrigued right away and could definitely see my need for such a product. However, I was truly convinced by what transpired next.
"Well? Do you believe me now?"
"Gee...I'm not sure. What if something even WORSE happens to my car?"
"Worse than being beset by intense ACETELYNE flames?"
"Hey, you never know! Ha ha!"
"Ha ha indeed! Let's blow your car up!"
So, in a moment of unmatched cinematic intensity, a pair of gloved hands slowly opens a box labeled "Explosives" and removes a trio of red cylinders attached to a long fuse. The package is placed beneath the car and set alight.
KERPLOW! (or whatever suitable sound effect you have in mind)
With smoldering debris raining from the sky all around them and a thick plume of smoke enveloping what little remains of the car, the two men waltz towards the closest discernible piece of charred metal.
"Wow, the car was completely obliterated!"
The other guy pauses for a moment, bends down and wipes off an obscure piece of metal wedged into the ground.
"Yes, but just look at the paintjob!"
Naturally, I leapt out of my seat right away, rushed off to the nearest store and purchased this fantastic product. Tonight, I can rest easy with the fact that in the event of my car exploding and being reduced to smithereens, I won't have to worry about the paint getting scratched.